Saturday, October 20, 2007
what if. one day. you know.
have you ever had the time once in a while to really sit down and think?
12:35:00 PM
so happen, today was my day.
the house was empty, no tv and no music. i was waiting for him to call but 3hrs had passed and still no news. i just stoned in the room and radom thoughts started flowing in.
although i had only been in my new job for 20 days, never had i felt i've made a very wrong choice. thou there's really nothing to complain about, but i guess i just needed something or perhaps someone to inspire me and push me, telling me that i'm be able to do great things in life that will leave an impact perhaps not to the world but at least to the people around me. what i can see in my current situation is that people are so contented to what they have and they just seem to stop being inspire and inspiring people.
after a real bad night on tue, i know that bro and mom are damn worried what has happen to me. seeing me cry in such a way must have really scare them since i have never ever cried that way before. they both ask me "what happen" and my usual reply is "nothing". i know deep inside what will be their reaction if i were to tell them what really did happen. they will ended up saying that i'm dumb instead of trying to understand why i've felt that way.
so bro has been rather strange after tue. when he was talking to me, i can feel that his trying to be very selective on the words he use and every day, he would ask me how's work and everything. on thurs night, he got home very late and he saw me lying on the sofa writing my diary. instead of sleeping or going to take a shower, he sat down beside me. i put my diary aside and we started chatting. i know he wanted to know more what had happen but i just don't wish to let him know. there's no point for him to know anyway. so we were chatting about work. it's great to know that bro have found the job that he like cause he wanted to work with old people and as for me, i know what i want but things always never seem to happen my way. i've always missed the opportunity.
now the only thing i can do is count down for a year so i can move on to somewhere i wanna be.
